The Ballad Of The King'S Dragon Lutnik, Лютник

Hey, listen up, folks, all you drunkards and rogues
The bard's spinning tales and he's thirsty for booze
I'm singing of dragons... but is that the truth
If you think it's just lore, well, you're green as a youth
But those who can catch what's between every line
Will know what that monster was, all along, fine

There once was a king, round and rich, rules the land
With a dragon in his trousers, kept close at hand
That dragon would growl and breathe fire so bright
And the king liked to stroke it from morning till night
A maiden came begging, with tears on her face
Oh King, you must save me, this is no disgrace
He smirked: Oh, of course, that's a king's sacred right
But first you must greet my best friend here tonight

Ay, lully-lully, that's how it's done
First pay your respects to the king's favorite one
He won't lift a finger, he won't move a brow
He won't lift a finger, he won't move a brow
Till his dragon's been properly greeted somehow

The maiden, unshaken, just gave him a stare
Looked him up and down with a knowing flair
She brushed off her furs with an unhurried hand
And said with a smirk: Oh, you poor little man
I come from the North, where the blizzards run wild
Where the cold makes a grown man weep like a child
Up there, my good lord, with all due respect
A dragon like yours wouldn't earn much neglect

Up North, when a beast finally crawls out to play
Its shadow blots out half the sky for a day
It's shaggy and massive, like some ancient pine
Now THAT is a monster I'd gladly call mine
But yours, dear king, is quite slender, I see
A delicate lizard as shy as can be
I'd hate to go squeezing too hard, by surprise
And snap the poor thing right in front of your eyes

The king nearly choked on his goblet of wine
Now look here, you wench, are you crossing the line
She winked at him sweetly: Oh, never, my lord
But up North we're honest, we don't sugar the word
Sometimes, here and there, in our cold mountain land
It's the maiden who carries the bigger demand
And if I unsheathe what I've got down below
Your darling pet dragon will turn tail and go

That royal old dragon, once fierce as can be
Went limp in an instant and tried hard to flee
It sensed a true rival, a beast of great fame
And whimpered and shrank back, ashamed of its name
The king, red as beets, pulled his trousers up tight
He knew that his honor had lost in this fight
Here, take this gold, woman, and get off my throne
I've nightmares enough now to last till I'm gone

Ay, lully-lully, that's how it goes
Even the mightiest dragon will fold
When fate brings a maiden whose fame fiercely grows
Your darling pet dragon will turn tail and go
His own little dragon turns timid and cold

And so the girl left with her honor still bright
By flashing a weapon she kept out of sight
The moral, dear friends, is as old as the hills
Size isn't everything... mostly, it kills
So that this poor bard doesn't wither away
And keeps his voice strong for another sung day
Toss a coin in my boot, won't you, friends, if you please
I'll buy myself ale and I'll sing at my ease